Meet Dylan...

- I love BMX bike riding, camping and sports

- I play on my school basketball team

- I find it hard to manage my anger

- Trusting people is really hard for me

- I'm 15 years old in April

My Story...

Hi I'm Dylan,

Next week I turn 15 and i can't wait to go camping with my dad Henry and my best friend Josh. You might not know but Henry's not my real dad, he's actually my carer. You see, I've lived with Henry and his wife Jenny since I was five and I had to go into foster care.

Before then, I lived with my mum and dad, but it wasn't safe living with them and then my dad was sent to jail. So it was decided that living with Henry and Jenny would be safer.

I like living with foster mum and dad, but when I think about my real mum I can get really angry sometimes. I wish she could have just taken care of me. Now, I see my mum every 2 months and I can write to my dad in jail, but I don't want to at the moment.

Feelings & Themes...

Anger • Shame • Powerlessness • Sadness

Focus: adolescent trauma, loss of agency, protective anger, and hidden vulnerability.

A note to readers...

For young people like Dylan, life in Out of Home Care can feel like an endless power struggle.

As a teenager, Dylan is expected to cope, comply, and make “better choices,” often while having very little say in the decisions that shape his life. At a time when he should be developing independence and identity, control is repeatedly taken away.

Anger becomes his armour.
Detachment becomes his protection.

Beneath the toughness, Dylan carries sadness, fear, and a deep sense of injustice that rarely feels acknowledged.

How anger and shame can feel

Young people like Dylan may experience:

Intense anger linked to powerlessness and loss of control
Shame and low self-worth hidden behind confidence or defiance
Sadness that feels unsafe to show
A strong sense of unfairness and resentment toward systems and adults
Distrust of authority and fear of being judged or criticised
Anxiety in new environments, schools, or placements
A belief that needing others is dangerous or weak

How this shows up

Anger and emotional shutdown often appear as:

Aggression or explosive behaviour when feeling unheard
Emotional detachment or indifference as self-protection
Refusal of help to avoid vulnerability or disappointment
Ongoing defiance, controlling behaviours, or testing limits
Lying or manipulating situations to regain a sense of power
Difficulty with closeness or physical affection
Sabotaging relationships before others can leave

These behaviours are not about “attitude.”
They are about survival.

What helps Dylan engage and heal

Support for young people like Dylan must respect dignity and autonomy.

Effective support includes:

Building trust slowly through honesty and consistency
Being transparent about decisions, limits, and expectations
Offering real choices and shared decision-making wherever possible
Avoiding power struggles and punitive responses
Responding to anger with curiosity, not control
Recognising that underneath the resistance is fear

When young people feel respected, they begin to lower their guard.
And when anger is understood, connection becomes possible.